Picking the Right Partner

What is a healthy relationship? What does it look like? So many people have so many different opinions and perspectives.


Oftentimes relationships require us to modify certain personality characteristics like thinking of another above ourselves or picking up the daily trail of dirty clothes left in the living room. There are certain character flaws that we can choose to modify when trying to woo a special someone—heck, we might even change our hair or lose a few pounds. But healthy relationships will never require you to sacrifice who you are or what you believe.

In fact, your significant other should be actively seeking to support you, in all that you are—your values, your hobbies—while the two of you might not share exact common interests, it is important to be understanding and supportive to one another.

Be careful not to over analyze because of your differences—think your relationship is a failure because you and your partner aren’t following certain “rules” or meeting certain standards? Dr. Phil blows the whistle on 10 of the most common but dangerous relationship myths. These are a few that I particularly struggle with…







Ephesians 5:21 tells us that we should be “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Once you discover your true worth, it’s much easier to determine what you expect in a partner. When others call me picky to insinuate a negative over-critical attitude, I actually take it as a compliment. I certainly am picky. After being involved in enough relationships where I put others above myself at my own expense, finding my equal is what I deserve. It’s what everyone deserves.

Don’t settle. You were made for more.


Who Died and Made You Boss? Jesus.

“Wives, submit to your husbands…” Ephesians 5:22

This is one of the most misrepresented and distorted scriptures in the Bible. Often, men use a verse like this that instructs them to take authority over their household as a misguided instruction to become a ruthless dictator. Our culture praises a macho “tough guy” and insults meekness as weakness.

Well, listen up fellas—only God can give authority. God has given men a unique role as leaders of our homes and families. A man can only have authority to rule over his domestic kingdom if, and only if, he is operating under his own submission to the Will of God.

Most of the time, the reciprocated scripture that follows is foolishly overlooked…

v.25 – “…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

If a man operating under his own authority, he has no authority at all. His love for his wife should mimic Christ’s love for the church—a Holy, sacrificial, pure, unconditional love.


So lets break this stigma. Here are some helpful “myths about male authority” from Charisma Mag:

Myth #1: Male authority means male dominance. Men must understand that mature masculinity in Scripture has to do with our strength to serve and sacrifice for the good of the woman. Luke 22:26 gives the general servant-leadership paradigm: “’But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant’” (NLT). Ephesians 5:25 gives the home version of it: “And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church.”

Myth #2: Exercising strength leads to abuse. The strength that is shaped to provide and protect will not turn to hinder and hurt. They are two different mentalities. Just like muscle does not turn to fat (though sometimes it appears like that), they are two different types of body tissues. When we don’t exercise strength in the right way, we will lapse into throwing our weight around in the wrong way. “If you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face” (Rom. 12:8, The Message).

Myth #7: If men lead in the home, then they will be free to boss women around in all society. Actually, male servant-leadership is not about “bossing” anyone around anywhere. The servant-leadership that a man is given in the home does not extend beyond it into society. So male responsibility for leadership in the Christian home (see Eph. 5:23) cannot be projected into business or government or any other societal institution.

Myth #8: Authority is about making declarations, not taking personal responsibility to see them through to a beneficial end. Wrong! Men have a terrible reputation for being opinionated without being responsible.


If you find yourself in a situation that seems more like you’re living under the rule of Stalin, rather than the rule of Jesus—it might be time to take a second look. Relationships are two way streets that should work to empower the people in it and the One who made it possible.

Flag on the Play – Love Ain’t No Game

He’s cute. He gives me attention. Sometimes he raises his voice to me and calls me names, but he always apologizes and tells me he doesn’t mean it. He tells me he needs me. He gets jealous a lot but that just means he cares. I mean, after all, he is cute.

I know. I’ve been there. Oh, what I wish I would’ve been concerned about then….


The following is from Proverbs 31 Ministries “Everyday Life” Radio Show with Lysa TerKeurst. For more, visit http://proverbs31.org/blog/the-red-flags-in-dating/


 A group of teenage girls were recently asked if they would date a boy simply because he was good-looking.

Most said yes, they would date someone on good looks alone. My friend who was asking the question asked another, “But what do you know about him?” The silence made her point.

She then talked with the girls about 5 red flags to look for before entering a dating or courting relationship with a guy.

Does he lose his temper frequently? Does he consider himself a failure and seem to be looking for a rescuer? Has there been abuse in his home? Does he often put you down or disrespect you? And, does he appear to be jealous, controlling, or need to spend all his free time with you?

I thought these questions could help everyone avoid getting into a situation that could lead to heartache!


With so many negative societal influences telling boys that it’s okay to objectify women and telling girls that it’s okay to be treated as less than, it is so vitally important to make boys and girls aware, often at very young ages, what is and what isn’t acceptable in terms of treatment of the opposite sex—in relationships and in life. 

Love is not a game but we should be making the rules. If you are raising children or involved in a child’s life, please teach (by instruction and example) your sons how to treat a lady and your daughters what it’s like to be treated like queens.

Be the example. Set the standard. Stop the cycle of domestic violence.