The Definition of YOU

what defines you

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. – Harvey Fierstein

 

Attending the 2013 YWCA Survivors Celebration was truly a celebration and an honor—and a very real reminder as to the magnitude of women that are affected by domestic violence—and the journey that many women are still on.  

One thing became evident in listening to survivors’ stories— we start to believe what we hear the most. Many times when domestic violence begins, it’s more subtle than physical violence, rather by way of mental violence through words. Abusers use demeaning names and hurtful language to make their victims begin to believe that they are no more than what they’re told. By the time the physical abuse starts, the victims have already started to believe things that they’ve been told like:

“I deserve this” or “I’m not worth anything” or
“He wouldn’t do this if he didn’t love me”

Oftentimes the breakthrough happens when the victim stops believing the definition written on their life by another and starts to redefine who they are based upon what they know themselves to be.

I pray that instead of believing the lies, you begin to speak the truth—you are worthy and you are worth it. Erase the past and write a new definition for you. You are not what anyone else says. Only you define who you are.

Speak it. Believe it. You were made for more. 

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Picking the Right Partner

What is a healthy relationship? What does it look like? So many people have so many different opinions and perspectives.

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Oftentimes relationships require us to modify certain personality characteristics like thinking of another above ourselves or picking up the daily trail of dirty clothes left in the living room. There are certain character flaws that we can choose to modify when trying to woo a special someone—heck, we might even change our hair or lose a few pounds. But healthy relationships will never require you to sacrifice who you are or what you believe.

In fact, your significant other should be actively seeking to support you, in all that you are—your values, your hobbies—while the two of you might not share exact common interests, it is important to be understanding and supportive to one another.

Be careful not to over analyze because of your differences—think your relationship is a failure because you and your partner aren’t following certain “rules” or meeting certain standards? Dr. Phil blows the whistle on 10 of the most common but dangerous relationship myths. These are a few that I particularly struggle with…

MYTH #1: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON A GREAT MEETING OF THE MINDS

MYTH #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A GREAT ROMANCE

MYTH #4: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES COMMON INTERESTS THAT BOND YOU TOGETHER FOREVER

MYTH #8: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER

MYTH #10: YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME GREAT ONLY WHEN YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER OUT

 

Ephesians 5:21 tells us that we should be “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Once you discover your true worth, it’s much easier to determine what you expect in a partner. When others call me picky to insinuate a negative over-critical attitude, I actually take it as a compliment. I certainly am picky. After being involved in enough relationships where I put others above myself at my own expense, finding my equal is what I deserve. It’s what everyone deserves.

Don’t settle. You were made for more.